UNDERSTANDING THE EMOTIONAL DIFFICULTIES OF IVF

Those couples that do not respond to traditional treatment modalities find themselves confronted with decisions concerning In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). These treatments are highly technological and may cause additional stress for couples that have already endured multiple disappointments. IVF can be challenging, both physically and emotionally. In addition, others in your life are not always able to understand your struggles with infertility. Studies have shown that couples who know what to expect are better able to endure these processes and use their own natural coping skills to their best advantage.

• For many couples IVF is the last step toward achieving a biological child.
• It is difficult to realistically confront the odds while remaining optimistic enough to endure a regimented treatment program.
• An IVF treatment cycle disrupts work, school and daily schedules.
• Physical distance from an IVF program may cause daily commuting, separation from the spouse if commuting is unrealistic, or additional expense and unfamiliar accommodations during treatment.
• Medications used to optimize IVF success can make women more emotional than normal.
• A normal grief reaction is inevitable if pregnancy does not occur.
• Both joy and fear can result when pregnancy occurs and the possibilities of miscarriage or tubal pregnancy remain a threat.

There are several strategies that can assist couples during preparation for the IVF process:

• Become informed about IVF. Understanding the process of IVF and knowing what to expect will lessen your anxiety about the procedure.
• Be realistic about your expectations. The chance of establishing a pregnancy is 20% to 60% each treatment cycle. Remember that each cycle contributes valuable information that can be of assistance in subsequent cycles.
• Set realistic limitations.
• Make decisions ahead of time. Discuss with your spouse your feelings about cryopreservation, donor eggs and semen, the number of cycles you will attempt, and who will be included in your confidence.
• Establish methods of emotional support. Talk about your feelings to those you can trust to listen and be supportive.
• Keep life simple. Plan activities that are relaxing and entertaining. If you are staying in a hotel, bring familiar items from home.

IDENTIFYING AND COPING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS

Experiencing infertility affects us as profoundly as other major life crises. Individual responses to infertility vary greatly. It is normal to feel anger, sadness, stress, guilt and frustration among other emotions. Recognizing, accepting and finding ways to deal with your emotions in a healthy way is important.

Learn to recognize symptoms of depression such as extreme sadness, loss of interest in normal activities, difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than usual, weight gain or loss, obsessive thoughts about infertility, feelings of extreme anger or worthlessness. If these symptoms persist for an extensive period of time, consider seeking assistance from a support group or mental health professional.

Once you have acknowledged your emotions, learn how to cope with them. If possible, try to reduce other components of stress in your life, postpone other major life decisions such as changing jobs or moving to a new home. Request family members to help share the normal daily stress load and avoid taking on too many new responsibilities. You should consider avoiding situations which will increase negative feelings. Consider shopping online to avoid malls, choose adult-oriented social activities, treat yourself to dinner out at fancy restaurants.

Equally important is to embrace all things positive. Continue to eat healthy, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Catch up with friends who don't have children or make new ones at support groups. Consider volunteering to help others, even at homeless shelters or adult homes. These environments can often help to put your issues into a better perspective. Most of all, talk out your feelings with your spouse, family, friends, and/or a counselor.

Most importantly, be aware that your spouse may share some of your feelings and be considerate of each other in your daily lives.

Read our section on relieving stress for more ideas on coping.

Counseling may be of assistance to some couples to help them cope with difficult emotions and stress.